Sev's Diary
by Vanyaria Darkshadow
Summary: COMPLETED! Oh my..... you have stumbled across Snapes diary..... can you REALLY resist a peek? Warning: Spoilers bk5
1. Sev's Diary '91 to '92

A/N: I have been updating these diaries, as suggested by many reviewers - they are now longer and hopefully easier to read :D I really appreciate all the comments people have given - for complete list of all who reviewed before the update, see end of this chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own any rights to Harry Potter or any other characters :sob: will one day own Snape.. er... I mean.... ahem.  
  
just read it. :P  
  
~*~  
  
Sev's Secret Diary 1991/1992  
  
This Diary belongs to Severus Snape. Anyone who reads this apart from me will be cursed to walk the lonely paths of eternity wearing a thick layer of boils and talking in naught but gibberish.  
  
You have been warned.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Tonight is the last night for a whole school year in which this castle is not full of whining, lying, bratty children. I hate children. I hate adults. I hate people. I wonder if this job is just wasting my time - I do love potions, but the fascinating beauty of the subject is completely lost on the phlegmatic blockheads I have to teach. I have always wanted to write a book - maybe one about intimidation, potions or animal pickling - all subjects I am very adept at.  
  
On a bright note, skin is looking especially pale compared to other professors summer tans. Who'll be laughing in 20 years when I still have deliciously smooth pale skin?  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, How could I forget? How could anyone possibly forget? Harry Potter has started Hogwarts.  
  
I hate his father. I hate him. To me, he is a nasty little boy, whose head has been swollen with false tales about his bravado. The only reason he is famous is because of that ugly disfiguration on his forehead. The whole wizarding world seems to have forgotten that Harry was merely a lucky bystander in the downfall of Voldemort. He was the simple dummy, the pawn. Voldemort was not ruined through any bravery, or special talent of the child. No, indeed. The person responsible for the celebrations was his stupid muggle-born mother.  
  
Highlight of the day: managed several snide (and rather witty if I do say so myself) remarks about that ridiculous turban of Quirrels'. I knew the man had no fashion sense, but this is going too far.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Why must Defence Against the Dark Arts be taught by someone who is scared of his own shadow? Quirrel, the twitchy sod, is still wearing that hideous turban, despite my blatantly obvious remarks on the absurdity of it, not to mention the slightly more subtle hints form various other staff members, and the peculiar stares from students. You would think he would at least take it off long enough to wash it - if not for his own health, at least for the health of those unlucky enough to have to work with him. I have smelt half rotted carcasses more pleasant than that turban.  
  
I am beginning to get a personality complex as a result of all the remarks I know people are saying behind my back. I would seriously consider using a nose shrinking charm, if I wanted give everyone the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.  
  
I hate people.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, What a gloriously vindictive day I had today. Finally knocked a Potter down a few pegs. How I have longed to do that since my days as a Hogwarts student when the excessively pompous James Potter strutted into this school like he owned it.  
  
In other news, got an owl from Mother today. Wants to know why I never come and visit. As if it isn't obvious. I already know exactly what she will say, and frankly would rather sample one of Longbottom's potions than be force fed cup after cup of foul tasting herbal tea ("They are so good for you dear - you are looking so pasty, are you sure you're not coming down with something?"). Why should I waste an afternoon of my life listening to her drivel on and on, about me and my personal life. "Why don't you add some colour into your wardrobe, dear?" "Do let me do something with you hair, it looks so. . . scruffy." "When am I going to be a grandmother, Severus? "Are you still single?" I remember the last time I suffered through an afternoon of her torturous questioning's. It turned out she had set me up on a date with one of her friends' daughters for that evening. Told me to take her out on a picnic, and had even made the sandwiches.  
  
Interfering old bag. Will pretend never got the owl.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I can't believe Quirrel. I know what he's up to. I'm onto him. And he knows it now too. Will have to keep a very close eye on him in the future now. Stopped the traitor trying to get past Fluffy tonight and got a bite off the wretched beast, but I'm a man. I can handle it. Not like that stuttering freak.  
  
And what the hell is up with the turban?  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I am phenomenally ashamed at my momentary lapse of corruption. Saved the Potter brat's life today during the Quidditch match. He should be worshipping me on bended knee. If anyone ever finds out I helped him. . . but no, I must not think so negatively. Will work hard at being even more objectionable towards the boy. Then no one will ever know. . .  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Quirrel is really getting on my nerves. Does he really think the Dark Lord is on his side? He is merely an expendable minion (who has exceptionally bad taste in head wear) in the Dark Lord's plans. The stone should be safe though. No one has greater powers at intimidation than me. All those hours in front of the mirror have really paid off.  
  
On a .. dare I say it. *happier* (how I despise that word) note, hair is looking particularly dark and dingy these days. I love the contrast between the dark hair and the pale skin. It really completes the whole I'm-pale-and- scary-so-bow-down-before-me-and-cower-you-nasty-children look.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, New idea for book - maybe a thriller about an insane homicidal maniac who kills his victims with a particularly nasty undetectable poison. Could possibly add a bit of romance in there? I know everyone thinks I am hard and bitter, but I do like the odd romance. although would have to write under a pseudonym, would not like to let THAT secret get out.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Have decided my detentions are far too easy - if you want to teach the degenerates a proper lesson, you have to do a decent job of it. At the very least they should be haunted by recurring nightmares as a direct result of it. So have owl-ordered a record to play on my wind-up gramophone - "Songs of Torture: The Best Hits from Barney, Tellytubbies,  
  
Atomic Kitten and Elton John." Also purchased an interesting looking new book from Hogsmede today, called "Intimidation for Personal Satisfaction." Am looking forward to reading it.  
  
Think I will spend the summer writing my book. . .  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I should have guessed Quirrel would try it tonight, as Dumbledore had left Hogwarts on Ministry business, but honestly hadn't though the idiot had figured out how to get past Fluffy. Besides, was rather distracted with intriguing new colour of pickle potion I have invented. But never fear, our beloved hero, Potter, saved the day. Ugh he makes me sick. And THEN, would you believe it, Dumbledore had the audacity to award Potter and his miserable little friends points for breaking the rules! It. Is. Disgusting. Because of Potter, Slytherin did not win the house cup - and it would have been for the seventh year in a row!!! We still won the Quidditch cup, which is somewhat of a comfort, but does not lessen my hostility toward Potter.  
  
I need a potion.  
  
~*~  
  
Big thanks to all the following people who have reviewed (some several times!!) before I updated all the chapters, thus losing their wonderful reviews :P (cheeeeeeese lol)  
  
Star of light, Mar, Aryuter, The Cleric 007, Paige, Misy, Rhianna, Ivory Tower, LadySnape, JellyBeans, Captain-Emily, Kazza, Cheese Chatter, Katy Fogart, Rainbow-gal, Labrisa, Frankie, Insane1, Quicksilver Fallen, Sage and Snape, Dymphna Erlina, OS, Blue-eyed Angel and Crockywock. 


	2. Sev's Diary '92 to '93

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, names, characters and related indicia are copyright yadda yadda. I think we all know I don't own any of it. Yet. My birthday is in October tho if anyone needs any inspiration for gifts.. :cough:snapeinabag:cough:  
  
Yes, well. we'll just get on with it, shall we?  
  
~*~  
  
Sev's Secret Diary 1992/1993  
  
This Diary belongs to Severus Snape. This diary has been cursed. Any eyes that read this dairy that do not belong to afore said, will spontaneously combust, thus singeing your eyebrows and, of course, rendering you blind in a horrifically painful way.  
  
You have been warned.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, What makes me do it? What makes me come back to this horrid hell-hole year after year, to listen to the whingeing excuses of spoilt brats?  
  
Well. I must say that the food is pretty good.  
  
In other news, spent the summer finally writing a book - "Severus Snapes' Guide to Life." It is definitely a work in progress, but I believe, when finished, it will be a best seller.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, While Quirrel knew more about the dark arts than defence against them, at least he could string two sentences together that weren't either about himself, or a complete mendacity. Dumbledore has far surpassed himself in his staff decisions this time. Not only does the wizard he has hired for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position hold theWitch Weekly's Most- Charming-Smile award 5 times in a row (that in itself should say something), he dazzled the hall in aquamarine robes during the feast this evening. No decent wizard would wear robes in a colour that is spelt with more than five letters - ie. anything other than black. Gilderoy Lockhart is a complete idiot. What possessed Dumbledore to hire the incompetent pretty-boy is beyond me.  
  
In other news, Potter and his red-haired shadow arrived at school this evening in a flying car, completely mangling a priceless Whomping Willow in the process. Dumbledore and McGonagall, the soft hearted fools, have obviously been enchanted by the boys history, and let them off with detention and a warning. I'm telling you, that Potter is an abhorrent egocentric miscreant, who obviously needs severe punishment if he is going to amount to anything.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I stick by my aforementioned accusations. Gilderoy Lockhart is an imbecile.  
  
As is Potter.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Well, well. The three musketeers were caught at the scene of the crime today. Filch still believes Potter petrified his cat, despite the obvious. I doubt the juvenile delinquent has enough brains to work an eggcup, let alone magic that complicated. He's hiding something though. I expect him and his two little tag-alongs were up to something indecorous, but to be honest, I don't want to know the details. I just want them punished.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, According to my horoscope in today's "Daily Profit", I am to come into some money today. That would be nice, as found book in order form that would quite like to boy - "Vengeful Potions for Vengeful Wizards." Unfortunately the idiots who work for the D.P. have less credibility than Trelawney and less brains than Lockhart.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, You know, maybe that Lockhart isn't so bad after all. managed to remove all the bones in Potters' right arm. Took all the self control I could muster not to laugh at the justice. Almost made up for our spectacular Quidditch loss.  
  
Almost.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, So. The Chamber of Secrets has been opened once again.  
  
I'm not sure whether to feel pleased with all the terror, or annoyed that I am no longer the most feared in the castle.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, THAT POTTER. One day I will get him, if it's the last thing I do. The rest of the staff can blindly adore him as much as they want, but he has disrupted my class for the LAST TIME.  
  
On bright note, received new "Potions for Vengeance" magazine by owl today. On of the great things about Hogwarts is all the unsuspecting guinea pigs.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I take it back. Lockhart is an idiot. Managed to make a fool of him in front of most of the school during duelling class. Who would have thought his hair could get messed up though? Albeit, it was only a slight ruffle, but frankly I never believed it was actually real hair up until now - always thought it was a wig, or wig-looking plastic. Nice to know he is human.  
  
Also got to make a spectacle of Potter, although he really did steal the show all by himself. It is an interesting twist to his already. fascinating life that he is a parselmouth. Would never have thought he would have anything so interesting in him.  
  
I still hate him though.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Just why millions of witches everywhere are enamoured with Lockhart is beyond me. Today, would you believe it, he announced, while wearing ridiculously feminine PINK robes, that he had special Valentines day events planned. Obviously missed the memo that pink is a GIRLS colour. If anyone asks me for a Love Potion Recipe, I swear I will force feed them poison.  
  
I hope someone does.  
  
I hope it's Lockhart.  
  
Or Potter.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Had good day today - took total of 80 points from Gryffindor. I really hate Gryffindors. Brave is just a short was of saying too stupid to realise any danger they might be in. They are all thicker than two planks stuck together.  
  
Of course, the fact that Potter is in that house doesn't help at all.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Despite Lockhart poncing around in his sickeningly cheerful mood, informing us that Slytherins' monster is scared of him (no doubt as scared as the rest of us, but not in the way Lockhart is hoping), Dumbledore has all the staff on night shifts. As if I don't have enough to do. I found a fascinating book in the library - "An Unusual Pickle - An Advanced Guide to Pickling The Animals You've Always Wanted To". Fantastic book. Have jar just the right size for Filch's mangy cat.  
  
As far as I'm concerned, we should just send the brats home for the rest of the year. Or at least let me try some potions on them if they're going to die anyway.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I would really love to know what goes on inside Longbottoms' head. Well, actually that makes it sound like something actually DOES go on in there. I would really love to dust out the cobwebs and rent it out as luxury accommodation far away from the hustle and bustle of an active brain cell. I have seen paper weights with more aptitude than that great lump.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Dumbledore has been suspended as Headmaster - no doubt as a direct result of Lucius Malfoys' threats. Not quite sure what to think on that one - everyone seems to think that the monster will kill people next, but it hasn't been too worried about Dumbledores' presence before now.  
  
I will say this though, whoever does catch Slytherins' monster, it certainly wont be that sorry-excuse-for-a-wizard Lockhart. Who in the dickens does he think he is anyway? It doesn't matter how many books you write, or how many lives you claimed to have saved, nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, gives any self-respecting wizard the right to curl their hair or to wear purple robes.  
  
I guess he didn't get the memo abut that colour either.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Never fear!! Dumbledores' favourite boy has saved the day again! It really is sickening how Potter always ends up as the hero. I mean, come on. Am I the only one who sees him for the repugnant little brat he is? (One good thing to come out of all of this - Lockhart has finally succumbed to his stupidity and has managed to wipe his own memory. Actions speak louder than words, so I will say no more on the matter.)  
  
I really hate that Potter kid. 


	3. Sev's Diary '93 to '94

Disclaimer: I'm a poor uni student. I don't own anything except a massive debt.... argh.  
  
~*~  
  
Sev's Diary 93/94  
  
This diary belongs to Severus Snape. This diary has been bewitched with an anti-stealing spell. If you read this, and are not Severus Snape, your underwear will turn carnivorous and eat your genitals.  
  
You have been warned.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Each year is just choca-block full of surprises isn't it? And guess what this fabulous new school year brings me? That's right. One of my childhood enemies. Whom I have to work alongside with. Lupin almost killed me, and now I have to put it aside? Forget our differences? I'm sorry, but the differences between a daunting God like me, who can strike terror into the very hearts of children with a glance and a werewolf are multitudinous.  
  
Dumbledore is pushing his luck. He really is.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
No one ever asks how I feel about anything. No one stopped to think how I would feel helping my attempted murderer. I have to MAKE a potion, so one of my arch antagonists can teach here safely without eating any of the kiddies.  
  
Well I'll be damned if I'm going to make it taste nice. And so help me God if my hand just. . .slips while coincidentally holding poison above the cauldron. . . no one would ever know. . .  
  
Actually they probably would.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My need for vengeance was partially satisfied today. I really got to Potter and Weasley by making them help Malfoy. I know just as well as the next that Malfoy is faking it. I don't particularly like the little brown noser either, but I hate Potter more. So it's all worth it. I know my favouritism really irks Potter. That's exactly why I do it.  
  
In other news, pickled the foetus of a Norwegian monkbat. Looks ominously pale floating around in the green. Will place it on desk and arrange some back lighting to exploit it to its full alarming potential.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
My malevolence towards Lupin knows no bounds. He actually had the impertinence to make a complete laughing stock of me in front of all the 3rd year Gryffindors! And he's knows PERFECTLY well that I have the information to completely ruin his career. I can't be held responsible if it slips. If the story of MY humiliation is raging around the castle like the hormones of a teenage boy (I know what Potter and his two musketeers get up to. . .), then why shouldn't his?  
  
I can't decide who I hate more - Potter or Lupin.  
  
Longbottom, the complete imbecile, is pretty high up on the list as well. I've seen brighter people who have had refrigerators dropped on their heads. The boy is a walking hazard. And disgustingly Potter still hasn't been injured by any of the idiots mishaps yet. The boy is no good for anything.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
On seconds thoughts, merely getting fired and ostracised from society isn't enough. And death is too quick. Definitely need something more painful and drawn out.  
  
I hear muggle children's programmes are a good torture weapon.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Now why on earth would Potter be in Lupins' office? Just "showing him your Grindylow", I'm sure.  
  
That has very bad connotations. I don't want to know.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am in completely foul mood.  
  
Why must Dumbledore be so thick-headed? He just doesn't like making mistakes. Lupin is OBVIOUSLY helping Black get into the castle. I have told Dumbledore time and time again: Never Trust a WEREWOLF. He is being entirely contumacious. It is so enraging.  
  
Am I really the only person in this castle who isn't a complete and utter cretin?  
  
The answer is yes.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Was my birthday today.  
  
Hurrah.  
  
Got a card and a bottle of shampoo from mother. I don't know what she's implying, but I don't like it.  
  
Better present would have been Potters head on a stake. Or a plate. I'm not choosey. Just as long as it had parted company with his scrawny little good- for-nothing body, I might have had cause to celebrate today.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Am in comparatively good mood today. Not only did I take fifteen points off Potter, made Granger cry and gave Weasley detention, I also set a lovely homework assignment on Werewolves for the enchanting Gryffindors. If their heads aren't as completely barren as I suspect, one of them might make the connections. I wont hold my breath, but wouldn't it be delightful to see their stunned and dismayed shocked faces. I should get that annoying little Creevy to take photos of the momentous occasion. The little Potter-phile.  
  
Also got revenge on Lupin by pickling his Grindylow. Haha.  
  
In other news, I have been working more on my guide to life - is developing into quite a best-seller I think. In a few years time I expect it will be a must have on the bookshelves of every wizarding house.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Have never had such a good day in a long time. Could have been better of course. Such a pity Dumbledore is so set on keeping Potter alive. Nevertheless, his beloved broomstick was shattered I hope Lupin feels bad about that - it's his fault the Whomping Willow is there in the first place. And his that the Dementors are here - if he wasn't helping that criminal to elude capture, they would be back at Azkaban with a rather vacant looking Black. Yes, it's all Lupins fault. Will have to mention that next time I see him.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I still detest Potter, the conceited malefactor. Will get him one day.  
  
Highlight of the day - had staring competition with a first year today. Won of course. Little maggot wet his pants. Hope I have scarred him for life.  
  
Sometimes I really love my job.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It is so blatantly obvious that Lupin is helping Black into the castle. Werewolves are not to be trusted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not concerned for Potters welfare, I just always envisioned ME as the one who would finally give him his comeuppance. Nothing bloody. . . just a nice potion to bewitch his mind, and ensnare his senses. Maybe eat him alive from the inside.  
  
Yes. That could work.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
That little brat. Everyone is going out of their way to make sure Potter stays safe, but nooo. Potter is far too much of a celebrity to let that stop him getting his own way. If Potter wants to go to Hogsmede, Potter goes. Why does everyone turn a blind eye to the boy's insubordination? He is exactly like his father - disobedient. Pretentious. Nothing more than an inflated ego and a pair of legs.  
  
And that Werewolf. I swear he had something to do with the whole affair.  
  
And why does everyone keeping making cracks about the hair. I happen to LIKE the sleek and subtle shine it has. It does NOT need washing. What about that Granger freak? She looks like an electrocuted chipmunk with hair extensions, and yet everyone picks on me.  
  
Hmmm. I wonder how well electrocuted chipmunk would pickle?  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Sybill kindly informed me today that I have great trial and suffering ahead of me. She's a bit off - Black wont get a trial, and Potter will hopefully do more than suffer.  
  
I must admit that despite her rather. . . eccentrically effulgent dress style (no wonder the lights are so dim in her office - in full daylight she would burn the eyes out of a blind person), the old dingbat does win my approval by informing Potter at every move that death is just around the corner. Such a pity she's a complete nutcase, because that I'm still waiting.  
  
Had a wee chat with Professor Sprout. Apparently my superior intimidation skills has given several of the Hufflepuff students recurring nightmares. Go me!!  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I can't believe Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup.  
  
Bloody Potter. My abhorrence towards him knows no bounds.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Felt slightly less spiteful with Potter today as he managed to fail his potions exam without any help from me. Well, I suppose less spiteful isn't the right word, but he did save me time having to think of a reason to fail him, as his potion was so spectacularly bungled, will have no problem with finding several very legitimate reasons. Longbottom, naturally, has procured an abysmal mark of course. I am still waiting for the day they kick him out of the school for being such a inane, half-witted fool.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have never been in a more loathsome mood. A torturous potion isn't good enough for Potter. Perhaps will make him watch as I feed it to his blasted friends first.  
  
Not ONLY did Potter and his two little delinquent friends curse me, they also befriended that murderer Black, and, with the help of that ruddy werewolf, Black escaped.  
  
It is unquestionably Potters fault. I don't know how he did it, but he helped my most despised foe to escape the dementors kiss, and I will never forgive him. I don't know who I hate more - Potter, Lupin or Black.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I think I hate Potter the most.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Accidentally let Lupins scandalous little secret slip at the breakfast table. Oops. My bad.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Yes. Definitely Potter. 


	4. Sev's Diary '94 to '95

Disclaimer: I was *going* to own Harry Potter and all his wee Hogwarts friends, but didn't have anywhere to put them. So sadly, I don't own them. Or Hogwarts. Or any related indicia.  
  
~*~  
  
Sev's Diary 94/95  
  
This dairy belongs to Severus Snape. This diary has been enchanted with a powerful aphrodisiac curse. Anyone who reads this, but does not own it, will suddenly become alluringly attractive to goblins, house elves, gnomes and trees.  
  
You have been warned.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, The Sorting Hat ceremony never fails to inspire me - all those terrified first years, not knowing what to expect. My goal in life is to make the ceremony seem like Christmas in Disneyland compared to my classes.  
  
Unfortunately Quidditch has been cancelled this year. I say unfortunately because every time Potter plays, he seems to get himself into more calamity. I was hoping he would break his neck next time.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I swear Dumbledore chooses his Defence Against the Dark Arts professors merely by how much they will persecute me. I never thought that he could appoint someone who was worse than Lupin, but he has surprised us all, and employed the retired ex-auror Moody. As if he doesn't know our history. What was the man thinking? Anyone could teach the position - compared to Lockhart, a stuffed chicken would be an inspired choice for the job. Or heck - why not just lock the brats in a room and give them free reign for half an hour. There's no better way to learn to defend yourself when you are stuck in a room having curses hurled at you.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Couldn't be in a more fetid mood. Moody has obviously searched my office, saying he is following out orders from Dumbledore. Orders my wand. I have proved countless times to Dumbledore that I am loyal to him and have renounced my death eater ways. How DARE Moody treat me like a lesser being than him. Blast his hip-flask - how I would dearly love to poison that deformed do-gooder. He is completely and utterly deranged. This place is going to the dogs.  
  
Day wasn't an entire waste of time though - the blockhead Longbottom somehow managed to melt his sixth cauldron (and yes, I do keep count), so gave him detention. Am going to make him disembowel a barrelful of horned toads. Will hopefully give him some souvenir nightmares to remember the evening by. Honestly, I have met salted peanuts with more common sense than that boy.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Finally have an excuse to poison a student - are making fourth years research antidotes, so will be cleared of responsibility if one of the brats accidentally carks it. I fully intend to poison Potter. Have never looked forward to anything more in my life.  
  
Longbottom's detention went even better than planned - he left the room pale, sweaty and shivery. It really made my day.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Met up with another dear friend this evening. No doubt Karkaroff used dark magic to acquire the position of headmaster at Durmstrang. Apparently he teaches the dark arts to all of his students - no idea why he is encouraging them to turn into dark witches and wizards, when the poltroon is so bed-wettingly afraid of the death eaters he would rather live the rest of his life in a cave of banshees than have to face one, after he betrayed so many.  
  
As long as he keeps his distance from me - I have no intention of being chummy with someone who possesses such ridiculous facial hair. I guess it does hide his weak chin though. Nothing, unfortunately enough for him, can hide his weak personality.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Tonight has just proved that fact that Potter is an incurable little sneak. He has finally crossed the line this time (literally). And yet, he still gets away with it. What is wrong with our justice system? How can we let that disagreeably wicked little brat run amuck? I, personally, do my best to bring that boy back down to earth, but my efforts cannot possibly help cure his unpleasant personality with Dumbledore fawning all over him. Potter? In the tournament? The mere suggestion is absurd, and yet it is happening. Potter is the fourth contestant in the tri-wizard tournament.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Am beginning to think perhaps it is good that Potter is in the tournament. It will certainly be more dangerous than Quidditch - we'll see just how brave the runt really is. I only hope that Dumbledore will get to regret his letting Potter remain in the tournament, and will be sending a letter of condolence to his muggle family within a few months. Have several hints to give out to certain house members to make sure Potter is made as miserable as possible in the meantime.  
  
In other news, have started a new subscription to "Picklers' Anonymous". Has some very interesting articles.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Today was the day Potter was to be poisoned. Regrettably he was called away from the class for more publicity to swell his already over-sized ego before I could test the effectiveness of his antidote. Damn the little rat for slipping out of my grasp.  
  
On the bright side, Malfoy is obviously smarter than he seems. Picked up on my hint and manufactured hundreds of "Support Cedric Diggory" badges. Also went one step further to add "Potter Stinks". Am feeling rather proud to be his head of house at the moment. Just as much fun was propelling little mudblood Granger to tears. Also had great pleasure in giving Potter and Weasley both detentions for daring to yell obscenities at me. That will teach the disrespectful little so-and-so's.  
  
I love the power.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, It was the day of the first task today, and also the day I had hoped would be Potters' last. Unfortunately he must have picked the most slow and idiotic dragon, because he managed to get past it, with only one scratch. I hope it really hurts.  
  
In other news I have concocted a new potion that eats away at the nervous system, causing the consumer to die very slowly and painfully. Was going to call it 'Sev's Revenge" but decided it might be slightly incriminating if I put that on the label. Have dedicated it to Potter, as it was thanks to him that I made it. Will let him join in my celebrations by letting him be the first guinea pig.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, While I relish the potential for pain and injury that the tournament brings, I thoroughly resent the fact that I must dress up and pretend to be civil for 5 hours straight. The Yule Ball is merely an excuse for students to become disgustingly, hyperactively cheerful, and to create as much disruption during class the weeks beforehand as possible. Letting loose a bunch of raging hormones in dress robes to run around frivolously and 'let their hair down' is just begging for trouble.  
  
I will go, but I will not enjoy it.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Must say I may have enjoyed it ever-so-slightly - took 50 points from Ravenclaw, 30 from Hufflepuff and 120 from Gryffindor. The grand total for the night was 200 points in five hours - a new record.  
  
Wish blasted Karkaroff would leave me the hell alone, however. Of course I see the dark mark getting darker, and have informed Dumbledore, but that is no bloody excuse to become best buds. Might have to re-dedicate potion to Karkaroff if he keeps up this nonsense. I suspect he thinks the other Death Eaters wont feel so malicious towards him if I was to consent to befriend him. Obviously hasn't clicked that if Voldemort does indeed return, I will be very high on his 'to do' list.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Am considering redecorating my room. There is too much cold, grey stone work. Needs more black.  
  
Have also been practising evil you-are-in-so-much-trouble stare in mirror. Looks particularly coercive with added right-eye-twitch. Can't wait to try it out on naive first years. Or perhaps will reserve the grand unveiling for Longbottom.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Apparently Potter has another member in his fan club - Alastor Moody. Potter was obviously up to some illicit midnight wanderings, and yet Moody saved the boys neck. Of course, I can't prove he was there, but I'll bet my life he was. And Moody is really going too far - I get the feeling that he does not consider my loyalty to Dumbledore enough to erase my past mistakes. How dare he accuse me of still being in league with Voldemort? Frankly that wizard is a one-man travelling freak show, who needs to get a new hobby.  
  
Perhaps potion-tasting?  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Can't believe the nauseating little thief survived the second task. Is really my fault he even managed to complete it, as have not covered office door-handle with skin-absorbable poison yet. Will most certainly see to it that that is done tonight.  
  
On a sidenote, have almost finished "Severus Snapes' Guides to Life."  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Hopefully taught Potter a lesson today. Read out a somewhat intriguing, and highly embarrassing, article about him for the class today. Really, it was for his own good - he must learn that despite his tragically heroic past, no one, NO ONE messes with Professor Severus Snape.  
  
Who am I kidding? I did it purely for my own vindictive entertainment. Then threatened him. That was fun too.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, How does the boy do it? Not only did he survive (and win) the tri-wizard tournament, he came face to face with Voldemort - not to mention his 'loyal' minions - and he is still alive. Still stubbornly, infuriatingly alive. Perhaps I should take a leaf out of his book - Voldemort will not be happy with me. Ha! As if - I value my pride over my life - would rather die with Potter knowing I am his superior, than live with the shame of being just as equally lucky.  
  
I hate Potter. And Black. And Moody. And Karkaroff.  
  
Actually I really do hate everyone. I am proud to say the I am perpetually misanthropic.  
  
But I still hate Potter the most.  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Thanks so much for everyones' reviews - I feel so loved :D I'm afraid this is the end of Sev's diary's until book 5 comes out, but if anyone has any suggestions for future things I could write, I would love to hear them.  
  
Am going to attempt to tap into Snape's brain once again and write his guide to life for my next project - good luck to me lol. 


	5. Sev's Diary '95 to '96

Sev's Diary 95/96 ~ Part One  
  
(SPOILER WARNING - BOOK FIVE)  
  
~*~  
  
This Diary belongs to Severus Snape. These pages have been coated with one of Longbottom's potions. The disastrous result of its contact with your skin cannot even be imagined. You have been warned.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Summer usually brings me temporary alleviation from the pestilence of children. Unfortunately, this summer I am not so lucky. Now, I'm not complaining about being in the Order and doing my duty, I would just prefer if that did not involve dodging nosy red-headed children. Why the Weasley brats have to stay at the headquarters, I don't know, but you can be damn sure that as long as they are there, I will not stay any longer than I have to. Weekly reports are as much as I can handle. There is enough threat on my life at the moment - I most certainly do not want to spend what could be my last days being surrounded by fiery headed little eavesdroppers.  
  
The only thing that could be worse is if Potter was here. Thankfully he is not, and if what Dumbledore tells me is true, then he is having an even more miserable time without the Weasley degenerates than I am having trying to avoid them. Which almost makes up for it.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Now, really. Why does Lucius insist on hiding his wand in that elaborately constructed pimp stick? I'd say he was trying to make up for other. . . inadequacies, but there are potions for that. As far as I can tell he just likes brandishing it around and hitting his servants with it. Having said all that, it is a fine piece of construction - but really. He ought to save it for special occasions.  
  
I can't believe I'm writing about Lucius' stick. I've really got to stay home more.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, It would figure, wouldn't it - someone finally gets around to doing something about Potter, but instead of killing him (or at least getting his soul sucked out) they manage to get him brought to the headquarters. Can no one do anything right these days?  
  
Still, at least there is a slim chance that Potter will be kicked out of Hogwarts for his "bravado". I will be able to handle seeing him every so often at the headquarters if the knowledge that I never have to teach him again is kept at the back of my mind. I may even incorporate colour into my wardrobe (mother would be proud). I believe I may have a pair of dark green socks somewhere.  
  
On second thoughts, let's not go overboard here.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I really wish Dumbledore wasn't as infatuated with the boy as the rest of the blinded world. If Potter couldn't save himself from the wrath of the jury, then I don't see why Dumbledore should help him. It's time Potter learnt to stick up for himself instead of letting everyone else run around after him and save his neck every time he gets into trouble. The boy is obviously trying to ruin his life, why is everyone making it so hard for him?  
  
In commemoration of the day's events, I have burned my green socks.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, After a rather eventful summer of subterfuge, I am once again resigned to teaching the magnificent art of potions making to ungrateful juveniles. How pathetic my life is - instead of spending time with the only person worthwhile of my company (myself), most of my life is occupied by Death Eaters and Students. I am so sick of sucking up to Lucius Malfoy, just to gain pitiful tidbits on what all the other Death Eaters are up to. And now that the school year has started I have to suck up to his brat as well.  
  
Dumbledore really doesn't appreciate all that I do for him.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, I honestly cannot comprehend what Dumbledore is playing at. Why must he be so stubborn? The only reason this school is stuck with Umbridge is because of his obstinacy to hire me. I've been applying for the job for the past 14 years. I know more about the Dark Arts than Umbridge knows different floral patterns. Who better the teach Defence Against the Dark Arts than me?  
  
Unfortunately Dumbledore still thinks that it will "bring out the worst in me". Will just have to work doubly hard at damaging the minds of my pathetic students.  
  
We'll just show him what my worst can be.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, What a useless bunch of failures the Gryffindor OWL's class is this year. Thankfully none of them will manage to pass their Potions OWL (I'm surprised they even remember their own names most of the time) so I will not have to endure their disrespect in future classes.  
  
Unless Dumbledore finally gives me the Defence Against the Dark Arts position, in which case I'm sure I will be able to survive another year with the delinquents until I fail them out of that subject as well.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Not only has Umbridge waddled into this school and stolen my coveted teaching position from under my nose, she is also trying to take away my title of Hogwarts Most Loathed Professor. Just who the hell does this woman think she is? The worst thing is that I must keep up appearances around her and pretend that I fully agree with what she intends to do here. Just sitting next to her in the staffroom listening to her blather on about kittens and floral arrangements and what a wonderful Minister of Magic we have makes me want to retch. Literally. I had to hastily excuse myself during a particularly revolting monologue about her new Defence Against the Dark Arts teaching schedule to rush myself down to the dungeons and breath in the dankness and quell my nausea. She is honestly the most nauseating woman I have ever had the misfortune of being an acquaintance of.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Made the youngest Creevy boy cry today. It felt good. Very good.  
  
Shame it wasn't Potter.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Potter's outburst during his first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson of the year is all around the school. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if he has even less common sense than Longbottom - only Potter would have the arrogance to think that he is the only one in the world who can possibly convince Umbridge of the truth. It's pathetic - why on Earth would she believe an ignorant little so-and-so like him? She wouldn't. But Potter persisted until he received a weeks worth of detention. Will he ever learn? I highly doubt it.  
  
Still, why am I complaining? Having Umbridge keep him in detention for a week saves me the hassle of thinking up new reasons to give him detention. I could never like the witch, but at least we agree somewhat on the Potter issue.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, How Potter has managed to survive 15 years without wandering obliviously onto a busy Muggle road is beyond me. I have never met such an imbecile – to manage to get a 'D' on a very simple potions essay is something I previously thought impossible. Even Longbottom didn't get that bad.  
  
That 'D' takes a special class of idiot. The Potter kind of idiot.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Hogwarts High Inquisitor? Umbridge? Merlins beard, Hogwarts is becoming more abysmally wretched everyday. There is no way that fat, frilly toad will be inspecting me and my classes. I refuse to have her disrupting my lessons and befouling my dungeon.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, Dumbledore says I have no choice. Curses on the lot of them.  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary, The highlight of today was definitely handing back Potters completely abysmal essay. His face was priceless. And just thinking about what his bushy girlfriend will say when she finds out makes it even more worth my while. There is no way Potter will make it into my class next year.  
  
Unfortunately may have to put up with that unbearable suck-up Granger. But hopefully she will be less willing to take my class if her pathetic Potter and Weasley are not in it. I can only dream.  
  
~*~  
  
Here ends Part One...  
  
Next chapter. . . Snape's feelings towards Umbridge's inspection of his class, Occlumency lessons, his Worst Memory, Sirius Black and more... 


	6. Sev's Diary '95 to '96 Part Two

**Sev's Diary 95/96 - Part Two**

(SPOILER WARNING - BOOK FIVE)

oOo_This Diary belongs to Severus Snape. I warn anyone who thinks it is a good idea to read this that you could not be more wrong. If you do not take this warning seriously, you will have the rest of eternity to regret your mistake whilst floating in your very own pickling jar. _

_You have been warned._

oOoDear Diary, Received owl from Mother today. The old bat wants to come up to Hogwarts to see where I live and work. Sent a reply owl saying I've been fired and am moving to Madagascar in two days to pursue a career in annoying-relatives- assassination.oOo

Dear Diary, The Gryffindor Trio never cease in finding new ways to explore their stupidity. Take their Hogsmeade trip last weekend for example. Instead of using the opportunity to restock on brain-rotting sweets and juvenile practical jokes, they decided to gather a group of peers together and go to the Hogshead. Why? To organise a not-so-secret rebellion against Umbridge, of course. Why they chose to conduct such a meeting in the Hogshead is beyond me. Everyone knows students only go there to engage in the illicit purchase of alcoholic beverages. So naturally everyone's suspicions were immediately raised when the rag-tag group of idiots ordered Butterbeer. What better way to ensure the rest of the bar would listen in on their conversation?  
  
Needless to say, word got back not only to the Order, but to Umbridge as well. All school groups etc have been disbanded. Of course the Slytherin Quidditch team were granted permission to reform straight away (it's reasons like this that I have not cursed the horrible witch to oblivion yet). As for Gryffindor. . . well, let's just hope Minerva wont miss having the cup in her office.

oOoDear Diary, Was accosted by Trelawney this afternoon. The old fraud swooped down on me and told me I had a tense aura. Then proceeded to ask what was troubling me. Almost hexed her right then and there, but Dumbledore says I'm not allowed to hex fellow staff members any more after that incident with Professor Poldark in 1984. I wonder if he has ever been able to look at spoons again. Must ask Dumbledore.oOo

Dear Diary, I cannot find words to describe how much I loathe Umbridge. Yes, she _is_ delightfully unfair in her attitude towards Potter and she _does_ favour Slytherin, however I cannot possibly respect anyone who wears such hideous robes. And of course there's the whole let's-be-disgustingly-stubborn-and- not-believe-Dumbledore thing as well. That's rather annoying too.  
  
She "inspected" my class today. And by "inspected" I mean completely disrupted it. If I am forced to teach those pig-headed Gryffindors how to follow simple instructions (a task which is infinitely harder than it sounds) then I would prefer not to have to do it under the annoyingly close watch of Miss Fluffy Kittens herself. I cannot believe the audacity of the witch, suggesting that my curriculum was not appropriate. She seems to have forgotten who the Potions Master of the school is - it certainly wasn't the one wearing pink fur-trimmed robes. I could go on for days about her offensive personality, but quite frankly I would rather forget about the woman for the evening and relax with the latest _Potion's Today._  
  
In other news, am not sure what got into Longbottom today, but must say it makes a change to take points off him for fighting in the school corridor rather than for just being a blithering dunderhead. Not that _that_ will ever get old.

oOoDear Diary, Sybill is on probation - serves her right for trying to read my tea leaves the other day in the staffroom. I don't understand why she thinks I need her foresight so badly. Luckily managed to yank my teacup away and scathingly informed her I was drinking coffee.oOoDear Diary, Unfortunately the Gryffindor Quidditch team has been given permission to play again. Honestly, Dumbledore doesn't even _try_ to make my life less unpleasant. Still, they have next to no chance of winning the cup - from what I have heard, Weasley is even more pathetic at saving goals than Longbottom is at mixing flour and water.oOoDear Diary, We may have lost the Quidditch game, but at least we still have a Seeker and two Beaters. Amusing, isn't it, how Potter's terrible temper can lead to such entertaining consequences. Almost feel like humming - cannot get _Weasley is our King_ out of my head.oOoDear Diary, Dumbledore caught me humming _Weasley is our King._ Tried to use a memory charm on him but he deflected it. Promised him if anyone found out I would personally deliver Potter to the Dark Lord Himself. Dumbledore merely smiled and walked away. Damn that man for knowing too much.oOoDear Diary, Hagrid is back. Though perhaps he had joined his feral family in the mountains and wouldn't come back. Should have known I'm not that lucky. Looks rather worse for wear though - perhaps his relatives like him even less than I do, or perhaps his big-boned girlfriend likes it rough.  
  
Oh Merlin, Severus. That was just sick. Sick, disturbing and completely inappropriate. Must go and distract self and never, ever think about Hagrid's love life again.oOoDear Diary, Am still disturbed.oOoDear Diary, Weasley Snr fell asleep on the job and is now at St Mungo's. I don't understand how anyone can fall asleep when they're trying to stop the Dark Lord and his minions from taking over the bloody world. I guess we all have different priorities.  
  
Interesting how Potter saw it all. . . perhaps Dumbledore should teach him Occlumency. Will suggest it to him tomorrow.oOoDear Diary, No. Bloody. Way.  
  
Sometimes I wonder if I should leave Hogwarts and go back to the Dark Lord full-time. Sure, I'd have to do the whole killing-innocent-people thing again, but it beats teaching Potter Occlumency. I refuse to do it.oOoDear Diary, Dumbledore says I have to or he'll tell everyone about catching me humming the other week. He is an evil mastermind. I resent that.oOoDear Diary, Well, I'm not going to make it fun for him.oOoDear Diary, Dumbledore says I have to be nice. I told him I'd try and be nicer than the Dark Lord, but I wasn't going to make any promises.oOoDear Diary, Today was officially the worst Christmas ever. The rest of the staff got hideously intoxicated on egg nog (except Sybill - I suspect she was already drunk on cooking sherry before she even made it to the feast) and became even more obnoxious than usual. Minerva kept dropping her fork in my lap. Rolanda fell asleep under the table between the main course and pudding. After the awful dinner, Dumbledore tried to entertain me with a slurred rendition of a Yuletide song he had rewritten (something ridiculous about a Snidget in a Pine Tree) and Poppy cornered me with a piece of mistletoe. Disgusting behaviour, I'm utterly ashamed to work with these people. Sorted Poppy out with a swift jab in the ribs with my wand, then made a hasty retreat to the sanctuary of my dungeons.  
  
I _really_ hate Christmas.oOoDear Diary, At least Potter isn't any more pleased about the new Occlumency-teaching arrangement than I am. The look on his face when I told him the terrible news was priceless - if nothing else, at least I successfully banished his post-Christmas joy.  
  
Also had delightful argument with Black - found it most enjoyable to taunt him about his lack of involvement in the Order. It's so unbelievably obvious how much he hates being so useless. It was incredibly easy to hit the sore spots. Managed to get quite a few witty insults into the conversation. Pity no one there was intelligent enough to appreciate them. My oral duelling talents are wasted on such imbeciles. Of course, nothing I could have said would have been more effecting than doing the one thing Black cannot do - leaving the building. With that alone, I totally won today.oOo_Here ends Part Two._  
  
Stay tuned for the third and final partof _Sev's diary 95/96_ - read as Snape suffers through Potter's Occlumency lessons, continues to despise Umbridge's fashion sense and deals with the death of one of his least- favourite people. Pity it wasn't Potter.  
  
The part in the third diary entry with Trelawney was borrowed (with permission, of course) from _The Transfer Student_ by LuciusAndSnapeRock, which I thoroughly recommend. The exact extract is:

"Hello Severus. You're sending out a tense aura. Is something troubling you, dear?" asked Professor Trelawney as she swooped down on him.


	7. Sev's Diary '95 to '96 Part Three

**Sev's Diary 95/96 - Part Three**

(SPOILER WARNING - BOOK FIVE)

oOo

_This Diary belongs to Severus Snape. If you dare to rifle through these pages you will become the biggest fan of The Boy Who Lived. There is no punishment more terrifying._

_You have been warned._

oOo

Dear Diary, This year is going to be torturous. And not the good kind of torture, like giving a pathetic Gryffindor a week of laborious detention for merely existing. It will be the bad kind of torture, which involves me having to devote my beloved not-teaching-students time to teaching a student. The worst student. I have tried to tell Dumbledore that there is no way I will be able to teach Potter Occlumency. Partly because I don't want to. But mostly because Potter is an argumentative, overconfident, horribly unpleasant child. Nonetheless, I will do my best to teach him – to prove his incompetence, if for no other reason.

oOo

Dear Diary, Umbridge came to my office today and offered to help me brighten the place up. I certainly wouldn't voluntarily let her in, but she rudely pushed past me. She gamboled around the room, _touching_ my things and chattering inanely about doilies and wind chimes and mood lighting. I cannot express my disgust that she is attempting familiarity with me. I told her very firmly that the only improvement that needed to be made in the room was one less person. Then glared meaningfully at her. She seemed to get the message.

oOo

Dear Diary, Dumbledore had a final 'Pep talk' (his words, not mine) with me after lunch today. I tried a different approach with him this time, and proposed that perhaps Potter would be powerful enough to overthrow my Legilimency and be able to extract memories from my mind… and that could prove to be detrimental to Potters' well-being. I didn't say that if he saw into my past I would have to kill him, but merely implied that perhaps seeing the Dark Lord in my memories would not benefit the boy. Dumbledore agreed with me for once, but alas, I still have to teach Potter. He has lent me his Pensieve so I may extract some of my more private memories, which was the least he could do. Five more hours until our first lesson. I cannot wait till it is over.

oOo

Dear Diary, As I expected, Potter is far, far too exceedingly hotheaded to be able to master Occlumency. On top of that he is stubborn, rude and completely disrespectful… although this is common knowledge already. I still cannot believe he dares to say the Dark Lords name, foolish brat. Nor can I believe that he tried to wheedle confidential information out of me – as if he's an honorary member of the Order! I must inform Dumbledore that Potter is becoming far too confident that he is invincible, and that not only does he know more than is good for him, he is trying to solve mysteries that are far beyond his concern. Also must confirm that this was a ridiculous idea, and that Potter is even worse at Occlumency than I envisioned.

oOo

Dear Diary, Today I received an owl from mother detailing recent events in her love life – or, rather, that she has started seeing a lovely gentleman and I ought to come over for dinner and meet him one night when I'm not busy. I am always busy. Always.

oOo

Dear Diary, Harry is not improving at Occlumency (nor at Potions, although after four and a half years of barely scraping through, any improvements now would be beyond miraculous) - yet Dumbledore insists I must persevere. I did report to him that Potter has been dreaming of the Department of Mysteries, and he seemed to think that it was of even more importance that I continue to endure these useless lessons. I deserve a pay rise.

oOo

Dear Diary, The Death Eaters have managed to escape from Azkaban. The Dark Lord will be overjoyed, no doubt. I suppose I'll be expected to go to a big 'Death-Eater-Celebration/How-Shall-We-Take-Over-The-World-This-Time?' party. I hate these Death Eater events. Apart from having to wear those stupid masks (which are as uncomfortable as they are unfashionable), my dear cousin Bellatrix will no doubt follow me around all night pounding me with trivial questions – "Why are you following Dumbledore?" "Why haven't you been trying to find the Dark Lord?" "Don't I look fabulously thin now, after starving in Azkaban all these years?" How wretched.

oOo

Dear Diary, Hagrid is on probation. How amusing. I think even Trelawney could have predicted that one. Although the times she's sober enough to string together a coherent sentence are becoming rarer as the days go by.

oOo

Dear Diary, We had a Death Eaters Soiree this evening to celebrate the Dark Lords recent victory. As I suspected, Bella was all over me like a rabid Grimm with her mindless questions - "Why are you still at Hogwarts?" "Are you teaching the Dark Arts to worthy students?" "Can you make me up some more of your skin-paling astringent?"

I'm so sick of having to defend myself. It's always "Yes, I'm on the good side - Dumbledore trusts me, isn't that enough proof?" or "Yes, I'm on the dark side - the Dark Lord trusts me, isn't that enough proof?" Leading a double life is such a strain on my mental health - especially as my "peers" on both sides are blithering idiots who simply aren't worth my time. Honestly – skin-paling astringent? As if I have enough time to care about such vanity. Well, not for other people; I still use it religiously. But no one needs to know that.

oOo

Dear Diary, I simply cannot believe Potter's audacity to publish "the real story". And in the Quibbler, of all places! I hardly think anyone will find his story any more credible now that is has been published there. But of course, Potter craves attention. Credit to him for being so… resourceful. Or rather, credit to his jungle-haired girlfriend, because no doubt it was entirely her idea.

Possibly the most peculiar thing about the article was the fact that Rita Skeeter wrote it – since when has she ever wanted to publish an article in a publication with such an infamous reputation? And, more to the point, when has she EVER wanted to publish an article that wasn't 60 fabrication? Very odd, to say the least.

At least I have another reason to give students detentions – although, admittedly they are far too devious to be easily caught in possession of Potter's article. But I've managed to find three so far, and intend to hand out several more detentions before the end of the day. Hopefully Potter has a copy in his bag.

oOo

Dear Diary, Occlumency lessons are still incredibly tedious.

oOo

Dear Diary, The unthinkable has happened – Potter managed to deflect my Legilimens (only for a moment) and saw… well, who knows exactly what he saw. But nevertheless, he saw far too much. I do not want that brat snooping around in my private, Potter-does-not-belong-here past.

More importantly (or merely on a different track, if you will), Potter's lack of practice and effort with his Occlumency has led him to see far more than he should in other areas as well – he has seen the Department of Mysteries, this I already knew. But now he has seen Rookwood, presumably through the Dark Lord's eyes. Who knows when this happened, or what it was about, but Dumbledore has to be blind if he cannot see that these Occlumency lessons are doing nothing! I'm sure he's seen even more than that. It's quite clear that Potter doesn't _want_ to block these visions, these dreams… whatever he's seeing. He likes the attention, he likes being 'in the know', and quite frankly, it's going to kill him. Not that I mind, but Dumbledore might.

oOo

Dear Diary, I forgot to mention in my last entry that Trelawney has been sacked. About time, quite frankly. It was all quite dramatic. Dumbledore insisted that she stay on living here at Hogwarts. Goodness knows why on Earth he would do that. Except that he does like to peeve Umbridge off. And he also likes to torture the sane people who work here with his ridiculous staffing choices. It just wouldn't be lunchtime in the staff room if Trelawney wasn't foretelling somebody's doom. At least Firenze wont be able to climb the stairs.

oOo

Dear Diary, Potter has really done it this time. Oh, but the Prince of Brats isn't in trouble, certainly not. He just forced Dumbledore to take all the blame. So Dumbledore is gone, leaving us to deal with the consequences. Why the _hell_ did he and his stupid friends continue with their little rebellion? "Dumbledore's Army", how ridiculous. Did he really think he could get away with it? Well, he did, in a sense – he's not in trouble. But Merlin's Beard, I cannot contain my anger at his foolishness. Hogwarts without Dumbledore… Umbridge is going to be unbearable.

oOo

Dear Diary, Umbridge is not only unbearable; she is now also the Headmaster. So she's a hideously unbearable person with the ultimate power in the school. It's nauseating. Oh Merlin, what if she decides we have to have new school robes? In pink? _With frills_? There's no way in hell I could teach a classroom full of… pink.

oOo

Dear Diary, She is revolting, but our house points have never looked so healthy. I am not in any way supporting her, but I would love to get that house cup back in my office. In fact, if Slytherin wins it, I shall pickle some especially 'cute' kittens in her honor.

oOo

Dear Diary, I cannot believe Umbridge would ask me for Veritaserum! As if I would give it to her, just because she batted her bulging eyes at me! Or course, Dumbledore would have wanted me to keep up my appearances and stay on her good side, so in the hopes she will give it to Potter, I gave her a bottle of laxative potion.

oOo

Dear Diary, I hate fireworks. All that noise and light and colour. I can't imagine why anyone likes them. But the look on Umbridge's sweaty face when she had to run around the school trying to get rid of them… priceless.

oOo

Dear Diary, Potter is… oh the words escape me. His brazen disrespect for common decency never fails to surprise me. And today he made a horrendous mistake. To literally climb into my most private memories is completely unforgivable. I have put up with his incompetence and his impertinence for far too long. I have been sacrificing my time, my effort and my _sanity_ to try and help the repulsive child learn to save himself from his mortal enemy, and he has plainly disregarded my superiority at every turn. I can't do anything about what he saw (save for wiping his memory… but… I must resist…) but God help me, I refuse to teach him Occlumency anymore.

At least he knows perfectly well what sort of a vile, egotistical person his father was. It would have been petty and childish of me to have just told him to his face – and he wouldn't have believed me anyway. But now he knows. And I hope he feels horrible. God I need a potion. And a new job.

oOo

Dear Diary, Unfortunately I still have to teach him Potions, but I'm not even going to try and conceal my prejudice against him anymore. And lets be honest, there's no one left to stop me. Umbridge certainly won't.

Speaking of Umbridge, she approached me today and suggested I start putting a bit of colour into my wardrobe. She says that black is a terribly depressing colour and it's not very good for my health – makes the liver and kidneys 'sluggish'. I was too busy choking on my bile to respond. Today it's a bit of colour, next week we'll all be in pink robes. I knew this would happen.

oOo

Dear Diary, Had Career Advice with the fifth year Slytherins today. Umbridge was there, of course. Draco wants to be a professional Quidditch player, what a laugh. Naturally Umbridge thought it would be a simply _marvelous_ idea for him to get into the Ministry – oh, if she only had any idea what his father does when he's not smarming up to the Ministry… She's so clueless; it's actually quite pathetic.

oOo

Dear Diary, Thank Merlin – Hogwarts has lost the Weasley twins. Only two to go… yes, I am counting.

oOo

Dear Diary, I am so sick of students fainting and bleeding and throwing up in my dungeon. Why do they think it's a good enough excuse to get out of class? I don't care if they're dying; they are not getting out of Potions.

oOo

Dear Diary, I can't believe Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup. Again. Is there no justice in this school?

oOo

Dear Diary, The OWL examinations are upon us. As a precaution, several weeks ago I swapped all the Powdered Dragon's Claw in my store cupboard for powdered Doxy droppings - that'll teach any of the thieves who want to steal themselves good grades.

oOo

Dear Diary, McGonagall is in St Mungo's. I can't believe Minerva sacrificed herself for Hagrid! It's completely insane. Dumbledore has gone, Hagrid has gone, Minerva has gone… I'm the only person in the Order at Hogwarts now. I don't know how I'm supposed to hold everything together when I'm terrified Umbridge will paint the staff room pink.

oOo

Dear Diary, What a night it has been. I've been playing loyalty to three different sides this year – Dumbledore, the Dark Lord and the Ministry. Fudge finally acknowledges that the Dark Lord is back, so at least I don't have to deal with the Ministry anymore. Dumbledore has his job back, not to mention his reputation. Potter will no doubt make a come back from his infamy as an eccentric liar, and become more popular than ever. Two of my adversary's are gone – Umbridge has completely lost it, and Sirius is dead. I'm not going to gloat over either, I'm not the sort of person who takes pleasure in death or insanity, nor would I wish them upon anyone. All I will say is, pity it wasn't Potter.

oOo

Dear Diary, Minerva is back, and just as shrewd as ever. I thought she'd be concerned about the whole Dark Lord thing, but as soon as she arrived she was commanding the place again, making sure her proud house was winning the cup. Again. If Dumbledore wasn't completely biased towards Gryffindor, they would never get away with all they do. It's bloody favoritism.

oOo

Dear Diary, School is finally over for the year. Thank Merlin. I now have two months to do whatever I want with my time - as long as I'm sucking up to Voldemort or Lucius or reporting back to the Order…

I'm not going to get sentimental or philosophical, or say that now the Dark Lord is out in the open that things are going to change, and nothing will ever be the same. I'm not here to analyze this war, I'm here to fight in it - and to fight in it, I have to continue to convince everyone I'm on _their_ side.

oOo

_Here ends Part 3_

A/N: I'm not sure whether or not I'll write Sev's Diary 96/97. Frankly after book six I'm not even sure if I like Snape… it's all very confusing. But I felt I really ought to finish 95/96, as it's been almost two years since I last updated…. Sorry!


End file.
